Someday, We'll Look Back On This ...

... and it will all seem funny? If you're now singing 'Rosalita', you're welcome.

Here's the thing about being a mom: I usually act and look like an unbalanced derelict. That might sound a little harsh and probably isn't true ALL the time, but it sure feels like it. You have to grow some thick skin to deal with the fact that a toddler's hug will inevitably leave a smudge of something hideous and wet right on your crotch area while you're out in public.

After one of the more annoying mornings of the summer (long doctor's office wait with a whiny toddler and a moody 9-year-old), I came home to have a much needed shower. While washing my face, I couldn't figure out why yesterday's eye make-up wasn't coming off completely until I realized that those are dark circles under my eyes and they aren't going anywhere. "But I'm only 27!", I think to myself before globbing on a ton of concealer to satisfy my bruised self-esteem. You know, because I'm going to have to look good while cleaning the house and refereeing the epic battles between siblings.

I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'll just leave you with a picture of my dog, dressed as a sand dinosaur. Rawr!

I give my dog all credit for the shreds of sanity I have left.

The Sacrificial Chard

I'm not exactly known as a green thumb. Truth is, I kill most plants I try to nurture through complete ignorance. I'm amazed that my kids have made it this far - I'm pretty sure the only reason they are is because they can cry out for help and food.

Despite my black thumb, we decided to plant a vegetable garden. Two years ago. We bought seeds and never planted them. Actually, scientist husband did, but I wasn't paying attention, so scratch that crop. I tried again this year, after carefully weeding out the plot and sectioning off different areas for different crops. Hmm, yes. Apparently, that's about all I did right.

Nothing but the swiss chard grew. And man, did it grow. For two-year-old seeds and a girl who has no business in the garden, I was impressed. Sweet. Now what do I do?

Recently, I've been making kale chips for my toddler and he loves them. Considering I've put on a few unhealthy pounds, I figure I could swap them for potato chips (my weakness). And you know ... they are really good! So, I got to thinking: if kale can be turned into salty and crispy goodness, can I do the same to swiss chard? Turns out, you can! Yusssss.

Pluck (or buy, you heathen) a handful of swiss chard leaves and rinse them off well. Pat dry with paper towels. The drier the leaves, the better - they'll get crispier. Soggy chips just ain't chips. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees F.




You're going to want to remove the main vein from the center of each leaf because they can become bitter. That, and the stringy murderers are choking hazards. I found that the easiest way to do this is to simply fold the leaf in half and make one quick slice.

Roughly tear or chop the swiss chard into chip-sized pieces and toss them in a bowl with a little olive oil. Bake on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper for 15-20 minutes. You're going to want to peek at those suckers after the 10 minute mark to make sure they don't burn. DON'T BURN THEM. They will taste like garbage.

Once crispy, remove the chips from the oven and salt them. These will legitimately satisfy a salt craving without making your love handles cry with shame. Enjoy!

Eyebrows(e) The Internet. Then I Draw On Dogs.

A while back, I came upon a Pinterest pin that depicted the importance of eyebrows on the human face.

Whew. What a difference some facial fur can make, eh?

And then I found another pin of a dog with eyebrows drawn on and thought, "Well, hey, doesn't that make good sense. Dogs have emotions - maybe they would all look better with eyebrows, too!"

So, while watching my sister's dog for the weekend, I drew some eyebrows on him. Big deal. For the record, Pedro already had a weird fear of markers; it's almost like he knew what was coming. He'll certainly tremble at the sight of a Crayola box from now on.

Regardless, I think Pedro's annoyance is best expressed with eyebrows. Without them, he'd probably resort to pooping on my carpet to show his displeasure. Chihuahuas, I tell you. Chihuahuas.

The Greyt Paint Hunt

Hey, it looks like I've found the 5 gallon bucket of cool-toned grey paint I used in my son's room update (that I couldn't remember or find, for the life of me). It's Benjamin Moore's 'Sidewalk Grey' 2133-60. Whew. That was sort of bugging me.